Weekly Flashback: Road Rash series

      

For something different this week, lets do a trilogy. And what a trilogy! The Road Rash (Sega Genesis) games.

Illegal crotch-rocket street racing, whipping dudes named “Slug” in the neck with chains and bats, police brutality, a lesbian who wants nothing more than to beat your ass in. . . What more convincing would I have needed to play and love these puppies as an adolescent?

I never owned a Sega Genesis. This obviously meant that any of the wicked Sega-exclusive games like Comix Zone, ToeJam & Earl, the good Beavis and Butt-head, the Mutant League games and Sonic were played only when my cousin rented them. (Edit: Now that i’m thinking of it, that Beavis and Butt-head game was actually pretty shitty. . Yeah, wow.  It was  absolutely terrible.)

Maybe my favorite Sega-exclusive that we used to rent at the time was Road Rash. Boy, we a had a fuckin’ riot playing these games. Who knows why. There were certainly more violent, more enganging, more fun games. Maybe it was its unique execution of the fun violence.

Let me take that stupid wimpy helmet off for you, Ralph. BAM!

For those of you that never had the privilege; It was a motorbike game where you take part in illegal street races in various, distinctive U.S. states. As it’s “Wiki” will confirm, it was above average for similar games at the time when it came to the look and play of it. You actually got the sense that you were changing altitude slightly on inclines, etc. Theres jumps, different types of animals in your way. .
You could do more than just race, though. Its illegal anyway, so why not steal concealed weapons from your opponents and use them to fuckin’ absolutely brain one another. Maybe up your chances of winning the big cash money. Now when I say ‘steal weapons from your opponents’ (chains, bats) I mean that you don’t get to start with one. . Naked to the dance you go. Only every single other biker in the race gets to start with a deadly weapon. It’s only fair.

40 G's? No one ever tried this bike

When you’re not bashing in the skulls of tubular dudes so aptly named Axle, Biff, Slug, Slater and Rude boy, you’re spending the aforementioned cashmoney in the “Bike Shop”. The shop was introduced In the second and third games. You could buy fuckin’ astronomically overpriced bikes and upgrades for each bike here. Maybe 3-4,000 clams is cheap for a new bike but, for one, they look used to me, and for two, each bike is the same one, shown at a different angle. They don’t even change the color unless you’re choosing from one of the other two categories (3 in total). This is especially retarded when you get to the “Super” bikes that cost you an arm and a dick. Bullshit!

Was this cop patrolling a largely Hispanic State? I'll give you no guesses

The PO-lice were my favorite part. Those dudes were truly bad ass mothers who don’t take no crap off of nobody. Lets face it: when they drive by, you smack them. You really have no choice in the matter, right? Even though they will make you learn that there are fates worse than falling off your bike and hitting the pavement at 200 miles an hour, you really still have to smack them on the way by. Call it idle hands. Here’s what happens if you do and if you don’t get away with it:

(you really just have to drive away and not fall off your bike to get away with it)

Click image and look closely. I'm not getting thrown against the trunk. . I'm getting thrown INTO it. There's no telling what happens next.

All three games are very similar save for a few things and thats why i’m being general, as if i’m talking about one game. The first  is the easiest by a lot, which I find is sort of unusual. At this time in gaming (1991) it was still usually the case where the first title would be nearly impossible and their sequels would ease off a bit (Like Mario Bros. was, for example. Though a lot earlier.) Also, I liked part 2 the most. I just thought it was the funniest. The soundtrack to Part 3 almost wins it the 1st place ribbon today but this is all about the past and I don’t think I appreciated hilarious speedmetal blastbeats as much when I was 8.

 
Hilarious Highlights:

This is not a tom-boy

This muscle dude is your biggest fan. Hes always there to greet you when you win. Then you get into a convertible that picks you up for a victory lap. Then, noticing that you forgot your bike, he lifts all 500 lbs of it over his head like Conan and fuckin' whips it into said convertible



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Posted on July 6, 2011, in Random, Reviews, Uncategorized, Weekly Flashback and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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